16 Comments

We said our last good bye – a rock and rhyme poem


Standing on a lonely hill

Beneath a cloudy sky

He always thought our love would grow

Before we said our last good bye.

.

Didn’t know just what he did wrong

Never got to ask me why

Why must I be so doggone proud

To make him say good bye

.

Will I ever get a full night’s sleep

When clouds roll through the sky

For I never learned how to forgive

When we said our last good bye.

.

I always wonder from afar

Let out a mournful sigh

As I wish upon a star

After we said our last good bye.

.

.

Today’s poem was inspired by an exercise on the blog Writing Forward, Writing Tips and Ideas. The idea is to take a good song with rhythm and rhyme and a relatively simple tune and rewrite it trying to match the rhyme scheme. I did just that and would like to see if anyone out there can figure out the tune I snagged. I just hope the singer isn’t rolling in his grave with what I did to this timeless classic.

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16 comments on “We said our last good bye – a rock and rhyme poem

  1. OK – I tried but I can’t figure it out. I know it’s going to be obvious when you tell me..
    You ARE going to tell me right?

  2. Hear that lonesome whippoorwill . . .

  3. If you haven’t yet figured out the song and artist, it was none other than Hank Williams and his song “I’m So Lonesome I Could Cry”

    He was recently honored posthumously with a Pulitzer Prize.

    http://edition.cnn.com/2010/SHOWBIZ/Music/04/12/pulitzer.prize.winners/index.html

  4. you’re a talent almond- as always..

  5. I’m glad you revealed the song and the artist (I truly don’t think he would be ashamed of what you’ve created) because I was going crazy trying to figure it out. Now, reading it with the music in mind, you did a fabulous job of capturing the rythym.

    What an interesting prompt!

    • so glad you took the time to read it twice. yes, once you know the tune it sounds even better! i reread it thinking how hokey, i used the word doggone, then i read it to the tune and didn’t mind at all.

  6. Hank would be proud! I love the feel of this. And your photo is drop-dead gorgeous!

    my potluck offering is here: http://mairmusic.wordpress.com/2010/02/03/week-68/

  7. very apt poem…
    Thanks for sharing…
    u r encouraged to share 3 poems…
    smiles!

    • Thanks, Jingle. I like the thought of showcasing one poem a week. It gives me an opportunity of feedback I never dreamed of getting. This is the best weekly poetry collection. I love the potluck idea. As always, Jingle, you are a treasure.

  8. I would have never dreamed what the song could be and on top of it I love that song!! Your talent blows me away every time I come here!! So lovely to see you linked girlfriend, thanks so much!! xxx

  9. There’s great movement in this poem. You made me feel the regret and remorse. Well done!

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